Review The Warriors (1979). \o/
That’s been sitting on my shelf for god knows how long. Gonna watch it tonight….will have a review up by Sunday.
I haven’t done anything constructive on Tumblr in weeks and need something to distract me before the garden hosed-sized vein on my forehead bursts and gets in my keyboard.
It's not very useful to make a post on people being against EqG on tumblr because tumblr is one of the places where most people are very positive about it. Most of the negativity on tumblr regarding the show comes from people complaining about people being mean-spirited against the show. In here it seems people are if not excited then at least intrigued. It's getting rather tiring to see these long rants about people who aren't even here..
Your right, and fair enough, but I dont have a Twitter account because I cant stand it and this is the closest thing I have to a window to the world I can throw my opinions out of.
Not counting Facebook, which I use mainly for pictures of Sloths.
The Backlash Over Equestria Girls
Just stop it.
Yes I’m talking to you. Stop it.
Yes you, the poisonous person who thinks that just because something does not appeal to them personally…it gives you the right to abuse and harass the people behind it to the point of them wanting to leave the production.
As some of you may know the recent trailers for Equestria Girls…a new movie for the set in a humanized (ish) world of MLP…has sparked a cavalcade of backlash among people who claim to be fans of the show. These “fans” have then gone so far as to send abuse and death threats to the creators, prompting many of them to either leave or consider leaving.
This is just like that Derpy voice fiasco all over again. Here’s a little wake up call directed at anyone who has sent or considered sending their outrage to the inbox’s of the movies makers……
YOU DO NOT OWN THE PROPERTY! IT IS NOT YOURS TO BEND AND MOLD AS YOU SEE FIT! YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE AND YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO WRITE, DIRECT, VOICE, OR ANIMATE YOUR WAY OUT OF A WET PAPER BAG YOU HYPOCRITICAL PARASITE!
I think I speak for the majority of the known universe when I say Micheal Bay is a tosser and he should really just stick to making gun fetish videos for the American military….but you know what? I dont want the guy dead. I’m not sending him mutilation threats just because the plot of the upcoming Ninja Turtles movie makes about as much sense as an octopus performing classical theater on the moon. He is free to make what he wants, and I am free to not like it and state in an acceptable manner that I do not like it.
But what I am NOT free to do, is jump up and down and bitch and moan and whine like 16 year old prom queen who is unhappy because her new Mercedes Benz didn’t come standard with an exhaust that dispenses skittles instead of fumes.
How goddamn disgustingly ungrateful do you have to be to actually send threats and demand the EG creators change their product into what suits you? You unbelievable scumbag……do you have any idea how lucky we all are this show got so popular in the first place? This franchise had absolutely no right whatsoever to have as much time, thought, effort and talent poured into it that it did…and frankly the fact it turned out the way it did is nothing short of a miracle. And now….at the apex of its popularity…when the creators are trying their hand at going off in new and exciting directions….you are going to sit there and shoot them down over nitpicky bullshit?
Alot of people forget that although its a brilliantly made show, it isn’t perfect. It has plenty of loopholes and bad jokes and weird gimmicks that dont go anywhere. How were you able to overlook all that and then all of a sudden chuck a hissy fit over THIS?!
Look, dont get me wrong, there’s things I would have done differently with Equestria Girls if I were in charge too. I dont see why every single one of them has to be locked into a skirt. Yes their outfits look like the scraps from a Fisher Pryce bargain bin and a church picnic. And yes their faces do possess this kind of discomforting uncanny valley feel…..but so what? I can overlook the strange stuff I dont like because I dont NEED to have anything proven to me for me to give it a chance. This show has proven its worth to me a million times over so I’m not going to make myself look like an ungrateful cunt by screaming about shit I personally find a little odd. At the end of the day, this has still got to sell to little girls, and skirts, big wide eyes and stick arms must be the easiest way to do that. We just have to trust that MLP will do what it has always done excellently and strike a middle ground between genuine creativity and what the suits at Hasbro want to see.
It’s ok to SAY you disagree with some aspects of something. It’s NOT ok to send the staff death threats because of it.
Think your a fan of the show? You are most certainly NOT if you are pulling this shit. You dont have to lick the writers boots to support them, they are adults who work in the entertainment industry, they can handle (and welcome) constructive criticism on their work.
But if I were the one busting my ass and sweating bullets to make a brand new vision for a franchise that doesn’t deserve it in the first place only to get shot down in flames by a pack of ungrateful vitriolic cunts who wouldn’t know talent if it slapped them in the face…..then yeah I’d probably throw up my hands, declare “fuck this” and walk out too.
They dont get paid to put up with this shit.
It seems as though you cannot turn around without bumping into a conniving authority figure who will make themselves LOOK like a moral compass for reason and safety but only end up being the most rotten rat in the whole nest.
Here are ten more old guys in charge who you should steer well clear of.
Henry J. Waternoose lll —- Monsters Inc.
Being CEO of a major corporation of nightmare creature’s whose job it is to terrify children should have been hint enough, but old Waternoose just seemed like such a nice, reasonable fellow didn’t he? HAHA! SURPRISE! Child Killer!
Stinky Pete the Prospector —- Toy Story 2
Hey boys and girls! Pull the string of this classic Woody’s Roundup character and hear 9 (count ‘em) 9 different phrases about bitterness, resentment, and lying bullshit! Limited stock so get mum or dads credit card details and order now!
Chief Frank Butterman – Hot Fuzz
Sandford is the nicest rural village you could ever hope to visit. A friendly, caring police force…a devoted neighbourhood watch….beautiful vistas and fine food all rounded out by the lowest crime rate in the country. Never mind why the accident rate is so high though. People have accidents all the time. What skeletons? Stop asking questions!
General Shepard —- Modern Warfare 2
Oh come on how could I NOT put him on this list? If ever there was a moment in videogames where the dramatic look gopher soundbite was appropriate, it was when this prick gutshot and stabbed your player character and sidekick. Then burned you both alive.
Charles Nichols —- The Fugitive
Behold my new wonder drug! No Harrison Ford, it does NOT cause irreparable liver damage! Stop saying that it does! YOU MUST BE SILENCED!
Captain Dudley Smith – L.A Confidential
James Cromwell just has that kind of face doesent he? He’s the very blueprint for lists like these….and shooting Kevin Spacey in the face just proves it.
Zues —- God of War series
It would be extremely easy to draw the comparison between Zues, the lying, degenerate, child-killing power mad alpha god……and the current interpretation of the Christian God….who is basically the same thing. But that would be way too easy……
Councilman Tarrlok —- Legend of Korra
It’s the smile. It’s always the smile. Never trust it from an authority figure in any movie, TV show or game. They will always LOOK like they are working towards the protagonists goals….but they always do it just a little too willingly. Before you know it, your locked up underground in an iron maiden.
Sloan —- Wanted
See now THIS is your best bet for hiding a betrayal from a major character. Have him played by Morgan Freeman, one of the most approachable and smoothest people in Hollywood. Oh it’s still a predictable and clichéd crutch you should be ashamed of using, but at least you get to make him swear profusely and die violently.
Father Comstock —- Bioshock Infinite
Did you ever consider him to be a good guy in the first place? No you probably didn’t. Were you already aware that this man was behaving like a complete and utter lunatic? Yes, you catch onto that almost immediately. Am I technically cheating by putting him on the list just because I wanted to bring up my new favourite game? Yes I am.
But the reasoning still stands. He’s old. He’s in charge. And you should stay right the fuck away from him, unless you plan to break his skull on a birdbath.
After another ten of these characters, I hope you will now view authority figures in movies, games and television with a little bit more skepticism. Because they are just one bad excuse away from leaving everyone to die.
Realistic priorities in a videogame release.
Here’s a little something I noticed after playing the frankly orgasmic Bioshock Infinite.
Remember in the leadup to the game there was a completely different character model slated to be used for Elizabeth? Well, it wasn’t completely different….her tits were just on display alot more.
Dont remember that? Well Irrational had no intention of cheapening their product by pandering to lust filled nerds, so they toned down the cup size and gave Elizabeth more modest clothing. Cue the inevitable uproar of horny geeks who try to mask their lecherousness by demanding her boobs be kept big because “It’s a good looking character why should it matter? We wont even look! Honest!”
And then you know what happened when the game was released? Not a single soul mentioned Elizabeth’s boobs, because the game was so goddamn amazing and fun everyone just forgot what they were disappointed about in the first place.
Take the time machine back a few months earlier, and everyone was anticipating the release of Aliens: Colonial Marines. It was demanded there be female marines in the game due to there being female marines in the movie. Fair enough. But you know what happened when the game was released?
That’s right! Everyone completely fucking forgot about it because Aliens: Colonial Marines was basically a turd hiding in a game wrapper.
What I’m getting at here, is that people need to get their fucking priorities straight when they say they want something in a new release. Because things like whether or not you can sneak a cleavage shot by manipulating the camera or seeing stupid annoying generic female soldiers instead of just stupid annoying generic male ones count for absolutely jack shit when the game is finally released released.
What counts is whether or not the game is GOOD. A strong narrative. Comprehensive storyline. Palatable mechanics. Enthralling characters. THESE are what make the final product worth buying.
Not petty bullcrap that gets forgotten instantly upon release.
…I hope to start a business called “Big Kids”. It will be a playground for adults where everything is scaled and reinforced to adult size. Giant jumping castles, slides, flying foxes, ball pits, gladiator cages, trampolines, swings…the works. When your done playing, you could enjoy a light meal in the adjoining eatery or some videogames in the lounge. There could be tournaments, late night wet t-shirt contests, laser tag and glow in the dark events.
A thousand leagues below the sea
Exists a place for you and me
A home of health and love and gold
A place that we can both grow old
Beyond our land of hurtful madness
The ocean causes us no sadness
But to go there is to not come back
For there is no escape from the crushing black
We stay down there, among the weeds
The ocean beasts neglect our needs
Cursed by our newfound plight
We gaze up, hoping for sunlight
We pray to get out of this cold
For a land of health and love and gold
Jim Carrey—Cameron Diaz—Peter Greene
More movies from the 90’s huh? Looks like I am now a less funny, less entertaining version of Nostalgia Critic.
Anyway…Hands up if you like Jim Carrey?
Ah yes…despite a few bombs like ‘Mr. Poppers Penguins’ and ‘The Incredible Burt Wonderstone’, Jim Carrey has always managed to draw an audience. His cartoonish facial expressions and electric personality first caught the attention of Rodney Dangerfield, and then the rest of the world.
After finding major commercial success with ‘Ace Venture: Pet Detective’, Carrey had cemented his role as a one of a kind slapstick comedian. The world was his oyster, and ‘The Mask’ was the first real dig he had at it.
The Mask was a character tailor made to suit Jim Carrey’s style. A wild, cartoon loving, supernatural madman who wanted nothing more than to cause mayhem and fun. Kinda like a cross between Bugs Bunny and The Joker.
The special effects were intentionally cheesy and completely over the top, but one thing that is easy to forget about The Mask is that the movie was not really about “The Mask” character at all, as the advertising would suggest.
Let’s dive in and see why…..
Our hero is Stanley Ipkiss (Carrey), a mild mannered, awkward man with a boring job and a chronic inability to talk to women or be social. He’s the nice guy who finished last. His car is garbage, his landlord is psychotic, his boss is a creep, and the only real solace he finds in life comes from watching cartoons and playing with his jack russel terrier Milo.
Underneath however, we can see that Stanley has a deep wealth of eccentric character traits. He cracks jokes under his breath and always comes close to letting his inner madman explode forth, but never finds the nerve to do so.
All this is about to change though, as Stanley happens upon an old wooden mask that has the magical ability to transform him into an unstoppable whirlwind of insanity simply known as “The Mask”. With his newfound powers, Stanley runs afoul of a gang of crooks operating out of an extravagant club and unintentionally sparks a war between himself, the crooks and the police.
This is where the real entertainment value of the movie comes from. The Mask can do pretty much anything he wants…generate wacky objects, create weapons, move at lightning speed, transform other people…and is pretty much indestructible.
It’s all VERY cartoony and appealing to children. Eyes pop forth out of skulls and a 10 storey fall onto concrete looks more like a Roadrunner gag, but this isn’t exactly what I would call a children’s movie. People die, there is some obvious sex appeal, and there are much more complicated themes at work that are easy to overlook.
See, The Mask himself SEEMS like a completely separate entity to Stanley with his own rules and quirks, but he’s not an alter-ego. Everything the mask does is just an exaggerated version of Stanley’s most basic compulsions. Rather than becoming an entirely separate person…all Stanley has done is find a way to remove his restrictions so that he can explore his most basic primal urges. It’s a great example of Carrey’s acting chops and proof her can play the straight man role, because the two characters are so radically different you’d think they were two separate actors.
While the mask scenes are always presented like a series of funny skits, there is always a sense of darkness to them as well. You know that the man underneath the green has virtually no control over what he is doing…and furthermore actually seems to enjoy it. It’s more like a kind of cathartic therapy for him to be getting back at a world that has been constantly dumping on him.
Even putting The Mask on looks like a painful experience that the feeble man initially wants no part of…only to eventually lose control and succumb to his own passions. After his first encounter, Stanley treats the mask more like the One Ring. A mystical object with terrifying power that everyone wants a piece of. Tempting to keep, but obviously dangerous.
It is this theme of giving in to your own basic desires that permeate the entire film, and is a much more important component than spinning around like a tornado.
But it all depends on the kind of person you are, and what those desires might be. Giving into them might not be such a bad thing, if you’re not such a bad person, which is why the mask eventually falls into the hands of the villains. After you see someone TRULY sick be blessed with limitless power, a cartoony maniac who just wants to have fun at others expense doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.
One of the most interesting methods the movie has of illustrating how it is sometimes OK to let yourself go is in Cameron Diaz’s character Tina…a gorgeous singer at the crooks club. She is countered by another woman, a reporter named Peggy, who is basically her polar opposite. Tina is beautiful and high maintenance, whereas Peggy is homey and down to earth.
If this were…say…a Hugh Grant movie, the expected thing to do would be to build Tina as the initial love interest, only to expose her as a shallow, soul sucking cow and then have the main character end up with the completely normal Peggy…thus completing the hero’s journey of self-discovery and teach him that love and happiness can be found right under your nose. Cue the collective sigh of boredom from the audience.
For a while, that looks like exactly where it’s going…but the curveball ends up being that PEGGY is the shallow, backstabbing mole and Stanley’s decision to put on the mask and act on his desires pays off in the form of the more exotic Tina, who suits him better. Because at the end of the day, The Mask is part of Stanley, and no matter how much it frightens him it has come from within him and he has to accept that side of him exists. Ending up with Tina as opposed to Peggy was a great way to illustrate this.
Can I just say as a side note, that Cameron Diaz is absolutely gorgeous in this? The Mask was her first major role and she absolutely nailed it. I mean, don’t get me wrong she is still a beautiful, sexy woman today…but man oh man she is the very definition of bombshell here. Long blonde hair, big blue eyes, a cheeky smile and a ROCKIN body in a slinky red dress will make you spit out your drink and howl at the screen like…..well like this guy…
If you are a woman, she will make you a lesbian.
At the end of the day, The Mask was a movie ONLY Jim Carrey could have made work. It was made and written specifically for him, and it helped to catapult him even further into the Hollywood scene with a few catchphrases attached that are still requested of him to this day.
There was a sequel made in 2005 called ‘Son of The Mask’, but it’s basically scorpion venom in the form of a DVD, and it WILL poison you if you touch it. Stick with the original. It’s a funny, well-paced, surprisingly intelligent movie that fires on all cylinders and hits every target.