Journal of the Cosmic Space Frog

Black Lagoon

!! Warning: This article may contain spoilers !!

Gotta find something to review in the pony dry season don’t I?

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Ahhh Anime. You have given us much over the years haven’t you? Swords, aliens, swords that are also aliens, androgynous teenagers dressed in the remnants of a circus wardrobe after it had been run over with a combine harvester. There truly is nothing beyond your squirming, tentacle reach is there?

I have had quite a love-hate relationship with Anime over the years. On the one hand, I absolutely love its originality. It’s technical, methodical animation that serves to illustrate colossal punches with savage impact, or explosions that are so bright and vibrant you can practically feel the heat on your own face as you watch it.

I love how Anime dares to be different, how it often goes out of its way to question things like mortality, the afterlife, the meaning of existence and what it means to be human.

I love the creativity, the design influence, the violence, the humour, the twisted love triangles, and the ridiculous boobs. There is SO much to love.

It’s such a shame then, that so many Anime productions squander this likeability with terrible dialogue, hackneyed plot lines, recycled story elements, retarded and insufferable characters, and the repulsive habit of having naked, underage girls at some point during the season.

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Enter ‘Black Lagoon’, an 80’s action shoot-em-up flick as seen through the eyes of a 90’s rag-tag modern pirate crew. This series is a clash of cultures like I have never seen, but a breath of fresh air nonetheless.

Our hero is Rock, a feeble Japanese businessman inadvertently swallowed up by the life and times of the Black Lagoon, a high speed torpedo boat manned by three loveable scallywags who take any dirty job they are offered.

Dutch the captain. A big black colossus of a man who always keeps his cool and speaks like a cryptic warrior poet.

Benny the tech-head. A sarcastic master hacker and mechanic who is quick to excitement but slow to conflict.

And everyone’s favourite, Revy. A hard drinkin’, chain smokin’ ass kickin’ little hellion with a dirty mouth, an itchy trigger finger and nothing to lose. Revy is the most entertaining character by far and consequently, is the face of the entire series. Ponytailed, tattooed, flaunting a pair of cutlass pistols and a pair of denim shorts so tight it’s a miracle she even gets them on, Revy may not be the main character but her savage attitude and affinity for violence ensures she remains a pillar for both seasons of the show.

But more on her later….

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The series opens with guns blazing, so to speak. A paper thin plot about a sensitive data disc belonging to Rock’s boss serves well enough to hook the audience (that’s you, boys and girls) in with gunfire, preposterous situations, and plenty of cheesecake shots of Revy’s ass.

By the time you see the Black Lagoon skid up the hull of a wrecked tanker and fling a torpedo into the cockpit of a military grade attack-helicopter, it is pretty obvious that this is a show that makes absolutely no apologies. It has little to no plot, knows it, and plans to use that open-ended setting to be as stupidly entertaining as possible. Hell, the whole business about the data disc doesn’t even last past the third episode, making the whole series and episode-by-episode gun porn that introduces and abandons new dirty jobs and conflicts in the space of a few days. This also opens the way for exposition on the Rock, the crew, and their lives.

Lives that promptly go from “fucked” to “completely and utterly donkey fisted on a daily basis”.

The Black Lagoon bases itself in the modern day version of Tortuga. A quaint little anus of a city called Roanapur, full to the rusty brim with killers, sadists, sickos, and just about every criminal imaginable. A perfect setting then, for a big silly Anime such as this.

Black Lagoon shines brightest early in its first season. It hooks you in with a strong opening grounded in action so stylised and cheesily 80’s that Arnold Schwarzenegger himself would have a heart attack.

Pirates, mercenaries, rival crews, Nazis, even a rogue Russian Kapitan packing enough firepower and special-ops goons to keep the entire city on a short leash permeate the action. There is never really a sense of “slowing down”, even during scenes where the crew are kicking back drinking beer, or making a simple delivery run. You always have the sense that these people are in constant danger and that things could turn to shit in the blink of an eye.

And it often does. A running gag about a bartender who always blames Revy for his bar being shot up makes for a few giggles.

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So that’s the scene. Amidst such a dangerous city, how you might wonder, does our typically meek hero Rock even survive?

Male main characters in semi-realistic series like Rock often suffer from a chronic Napoleon complex. Shinji from Evangelion, Raki from Claymore, all complete and utter piss-ants who take crap constantly (usually from their sadistic female co-stars), only to finally reach breaking point and start swinging their dicks like superheroes because they don’t feel like being pushed around anymore.

Well Rock is similar, but it seems like that particular story arc that characters like him need to pass through by law has already been completed. He cracks right in the first episode, throwing down the gauntlet and deciding “You know what? Fuck my rotten life, fuck everyone, I’m going to run away and join a goddamn pirate crew and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

It’s extremely refreshing to find a character who acknowledges his inherent weakness, but instead of moping about it like a wuss, actually embraces it and uses it to his advantage, allowing him to grow more as a person. Very surprising, given how generic he looks.

Rocks suit and tie approach to pirate business proves to be an asset to the Black Lagoon, his smooth talking and clean presentation getting the crew out of trouble more than once.

But naturally, Rocks attempt to become strong and confident in his new life is shot down in flames constantly by Revy, who would rather treat Rock like a doormat to satiate her own brooding ego than allow him to become too capable by himself. Revy becomes Rocks biggest obstacle to finding his own peace, and the two of them clash spectacularly in episode seven after Rock decides he is going to stick to his guns about his beliefs on morality.

It nearly gets him killed, but Rock actually manages to get Revy on the back-foot, pressuring her about her hypocrisy and ultimately winning the argument, not to mention Revy’s respect.

What started as an ugly conflict ends with the two characters growing just a little closer, appreciating and accepting each other for who they are, as well as opening the doors for much stronger character development and allowing them both to build on what they have learned from the other person.

Unfortunately, this is exactly the point I felt the wind getting sucked out of Black Lagoons sails.

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See, after Rock and Revy butt heads and the way is left open for them to grow and progress……they don’t. They just don’t. They stay the same. Revy is still an arrogant, headstrong killer, and Rock is still a half-cocked pacifist.

It feels extremely awkward to watch these two characters go against the grain like that, but as the series progresses, the problem is worsened.

Small, bit part characters start getting more screen time. Exposition on temporary assassins becomes more important than fleshing out the main characters. Revy’s character arc is completely severed right in the middle, and neither Dutch nor Benny (the former being one of the coolest and most interesting people in the entire series) get so much as a flashback sequence.

In fact, you are never told ANYTHING about Dutch.

Benny went to college, pissed off some people when he hacked something he shouldn’t have, wound up on the Black Lagoon. Revy hard a hard childhood living on the streets and now wears her aggression like a suit of armour. Rock worked for a successful Japanese corporation before just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But Dutch? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. You are told absolutely nothing about the kind of man he is, what his past was like, or why he does the job he does. Nothing he says ever even gives some kind of hint. It is stated multiple times that Dutch was the first member of the Black Lagoon; he owns the damn boat after all. He first took on Revy, then Benny, then Rock, but why are we told nothing about the captain’s life?

Furthermore, why should I give more of a crap about an assassin with multiple personality disorder than the captain?

Something like three whole episodes of the available twelve are devoted to Roberta the Bloodhound and I remember more about her than I do most of the main characters. This is not a good thing. Characters like her do not stay interesting for long enough to justify their screen time, regardless of how awesome her fist fight with Revy is, and they just keep piling up as the season wears on. It’s like characters keep bleeding in from their own series into this one, trying to hog the spotlight.

Eda from the Rip-off Church is apparently some kind of rival to Revy, and it is revealed later on that she is CIA. Well, it’s not so much revealed as it is blurted out by one guy, then never ever mentioned again. Rendering her exposition completely and utterly pointless.

There’s Eda, also, Balalaika the Kapitan, a pair of subtle-as-a-sledgehammer stereotypes (one of whom is nicknamed “Chinglish”), Yolanda, Sir Alfred, an entire Nazi crew, Rico, Abrego, Mr. Cheng, Sawyer the Cleaner, Yukio, Ginji, Greenback Jane, Russel, Mr. Bando, Hansel, Gretel, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, and probably Cletus’s entire extended family as well.

All these characters crowd the scene, making the series more unfocused than a bat with Vaseline smeared over its face.

Revy gets tossed by the wayside and remains a stereotypical gun for hire, Dutch and Benny are not even IN the second season, and Rock gets to sit on the fence the entire time, unsure about whether or not he should be a pirate or not be a pirate.

You could make an entire season, an entirely new show out of any one of these people, but instead they try to worm their way in here, posing as supporting characters. It’s like whoever wrote Black Lagoon had all these cool ideas for ten different series, but only had the budget to do one, so he tried to include as many of his creations as possible.

It’s a disappointing waste of so much built up potential, tossing important exposition on the main characters by the wayside for the sake of more ridiculous obstacles to overcome.

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The most ridiculous of which has got to be Hansel and Gretel, the Vampire twins.

Two young twins, probably no older than 12 or 13, abused and victimised for the sake of violent pornographic material, eventually go insane and start cutting through Roanapur like hot knife through Splenda.

These two are the main focus of the first four episodes of the second season, and they are an utterly awkward, uncomfortable addition that adds virtually nothing to the series as a whole. They are both about as generic as quasi-supernatural anime kids come, feel completely out of place, and even go so far as to indulge that horrible goddamn habit Anime has of sexualising underage persons by having them kiss, get naked, and flash their junk at Rock.

No.

No, no, no and more no.

This is exactly what I meant in the beginning of this article when I mentioned a clash of cultures.

On the one hand, there’s the cheesy shoot-em-up action typical to western developed series, and on the other hand, there’s the oddly sexual, deeply morality driven oddness of Japanese developed series.

In Black Lagoon, these two things sometimes blend well together. Putting Revy in those tiny shorts that show off her thighs and ass, and have her completely indifferent of it because of her apathy for the world, was a great way to brighten up the screen with something sexy but not have it seem utterly retarded (I’m looking at you, Ikkitousen).

But other times, as with the twins, it just feels completely out of place. Suddenly dropping something so traditionally “Anime” into a series making a point not to BE so traditional makes for one hell of an elephant in the room, and it shows every time.

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However, having said that, Black Lagoon is not afraid to lampoon its own culture and acknowledge some stupid things about Anime in general. There is a particularly funny scene involving an assassin named “Rotten the Wizard”, who is hired, along with about 50 others, to hunt down Greenback Jane. Rotten has the spiky hair, the trench coat, the dumb glasses, the brooding attitude, the whole nine yards. 

Greenback Jane made counterfeit money, but didn’t hold up her end of the bargain properly, so it’s apparently worth sending the entire city after her for some reason….whatever.

Anyway, at one point, Rock, Revy and Jane are atop a collapsing building and are cornered by Rotten, who strikes his stupidest, most generic pose, launches into a great big speech about how awesome and terrifying he is, how he is the messenger of death and the greatest assassin who ever liv—- *BANG*!

Revy shoots him and he falls off the building. It’s completely anti-climactic, totally humiliating and utterly hilarious.

After his embarrassing stunt, Rotten even admits he’s not very good at it, and gets made fun of by Chinglish. It’s a humbling point to make about Anime stereotypes, and an extremely funny one, at least for me.

Come to think of it, there’s another similar scene earlier in the first season aboard a Neo-Nazi ship. Revy is out of ammo and cornered by the big hulking bodyguard, who proceeds to blather on about his name, his job, his life, his gun, where it was made, what calibre it uses, and how awesome he is for owning it.

This gives a visibly bored Revy all the time in the world to calmly reload her pistol, take aim, and shoot him.

“Shut the fuck up! Can’t you see I wasn’t even listening? What were you tryin’ to SELL me the damn gun or what?”

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I think it goes without saying at this point, that Revy is cool. I mean, she is DAMN cool.

Nicknamed “Two-Hands” for her skill at dual wielding pistols, Revy is the kind of ‘shoot first ask questions later’ hothead who you could never take home to meet the folks, and that makes her all the more attractive.

She comes from, what else, a tragic background of hardship, and lives life with a philosophy of “I don’t give a fuck, nothing matters, and therefore money is god”.

It’s a tried and true old chestnut for characters like her, but Revy has enough emotional diversity to actually make a good point about why she follows this creed, both through her actions as a gun-for-hire and through her words. Words that often swing back and forth between nonchalant and downright venomous.

Revy can sometimes get a little bit too much to handle, even for the viewer. The severance of her character arc by the bombardment of minor roles kills most of her momentum towards growing and maturing, meaning that she is stuck in a limbo of swear words and misplaced childhood aggression.

The series tries to sweep her under the rug to some degree, relegating her to remain that aggressive hothead we met in the first episode, so as to make way for the rest of the story, but it feels like such a wasted opportunity.

Revy could have been so much more than what she ended up being the rest of the show. Instead of feeling pity and remorse for her hard upbringing, you end up feeling regret instead for her constant failure to evolve as a character.

She works well enough to entertain, but rarely makes you think about anything serious after the scene in the abandoned submarine……

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I suppose it’s about time I do that thing where I sum up all my feelings in a few generalised paragraphs isn’t it? Very well, I shall comply.

Black Lagoon can be a very entertaining show when it wants to be. The animation is crisp and smooth; highlighting loads of neat little details, and never resorts to “quirky” over exaggerations to make a joke.

The humour is spaced wide apart and often dark, but also frequent enough to lighten the overall tone. There are dozens of references to famous philosophers, actors, movies and poets scattered throughout for no other reason than seemingly just for kicks. 

It’s a refreshing change that there is little to no overarching plot connecting all the episodes, it’s just one crazy encounter after another and stakes never get especially high. But because of this, new minor characters and small, inconsequential plot threads are introduced too quickly and are too unfocused for you to care about them.

Wildcard events introduced to make a point end up becoming nothing more than neat little sideshow distractions to the main setting and lose their intended meaning.

These neat little sideshow distractions do pile up at an alarming rate however, and culminate in most of the second season being an absolutely dull as dogshit exercise in tedium set in the mean streets of Japan.

I thought this was supposed to be a show about a hot assed girl pirate shooting up boats in shimmering blue waters? Why the fuck am I now watching two whiny schoolgirls talk about their favourite books in some library in Japan? For an entire damn episode?

No I don’t care about the Yakuza and their problems, no I don’t care about Balalaika’s attempts to overthrow them for whatever contrived reason.

No, Jesus tap-dancing Christ no, I DONT care about what is going on in Japan when there is so much more fun to be had in Roanapur!

Ugh….

I cannot even begin to express how hard season two was to get through. Yes there were some nice issues of morality, and it made the best of a bad situation when Rock is challenged with his indecision by girl he may or may not want to bone absolutely silly…but for the most part it felt like a completely different, less exciting show.

They even took away Revy’s short shorts! Not cool……

However, despite the shows flaws I still found myself pretty damn entertained. I often pondered what I would do in the same situation as Rock, and wondered whether or not I would survive aboard the Black Lagoon.

What would I do that define me as a person in this line of work? Where would my moralities lie, how would I steer the course of these people’s lives in the crazy washing machine of a world? Would I survive it? And perhaps most importantly…would I be able to live with those choices?

The only reason I was able to question this at all is Because Black lagoon does not deem it necessary to constantly shove these topics down your throat. It’s a big colourful canvas you can draw your own conclusions from.

And yes, I know that just because I found the whole Yakuza family honour business with Yukio and Ginji boring it doesn’t mean that YOU will too…but this is MY review after all…..

And I also acknowledge that keeping the sequence of events inconsequential and the characters meaningless is the best way to keep the show light, fluffy and entertaining. But that doesn’t stop it from being a chore waiting to be done with these minor nobodies so we can get back to learning about Rock or Revy.

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Black Lagoon is an excellent Anime and one I enjoyed immensely. It occasionally falters with poor choices on exposition, muddy timelines and clunky characters, but trust me….

When Black lagoon is having fun, you are too.